Lately we have been struggling with Jaxton's behavior. He is a rambunctious, playful, fun, although sometimes violent 3 year old. I often find myself out of patience, energy and ideas for him. We have spoken to his Dr. about some of the behavior and the Dr's first thought was A.D.D. I know I am not alone when I say this is never something a parent wants to hear. Every parent hopes that their child is perfect, with no health, behavior, or mental problems. Truth be told, the more I learn... most parents don't get that. So they put Jaxton on Adderol, a very small, short acting dose. It seemed to be helping his behavior, until the meds would wear off. Then it was just an all out "free for all tantrum". We went back to the dr and he said that is common because they are reacting to the meds wearing off and at his young age, he is unable to cope with the changes he is feeling, so they added a small dose of Clonidine (a mood stabilizer) Then Jaxt would sleep all day. I hated it. He wasn't even living, he was sleeping, and it seemed with the combination of both meds, he couldn't control his emotions either and was crying all of the time. I wanted him off both meds. I didn't like how they were working on him, and it was stressful for our family. In the meantime, we had started seeing a counselor/therapist for him. At our last appointment we discussed in depth his sleeping patterns. I can easily count on 2 hands how many times Jaxton has slept through the night, in his short 3 years. She suggested sleeping in his room with him for 2 reasons. 1. He needs to feel that his room is safe and his bed is where he needs to be 2. Having me in there helps when he wakes up screaming to feel secure and comfortable. So last night, I headed into his room. I was supposed to not sleep in his bed with him but I was tired, my back hurt and the batteries to the blow up mattress were bad and I was not in any mood to sleep on the floor. It was a long night. He woke up his normal 4-5 times, but was easily calmed and went right back to sleep. We have noticed the more sleep he gets, the less violent he is. So for now, that is the plan. I will sleep in his bed until he can make it through the night. Kyle doesn't love the idea... we just bought an expensive bed and I'm not even using it but Jaxt finds the most comfort in me right now since I stay home with him during the day. I am amazed at my willingness to do whatever my children need. I don't think of myself as a great, incredibly fantastic mother. But I do the best I can. I am in tune with what my children need and right now, Jaxton needs me. I have had many sleepless nights with him. It's me who goes back and forth in the night with him (only because he demands me... otherwise Kyle is happy to help). I work with him on his behavior, I read to him, I play with him, I help him understand the world. I have been told in the past that I am not a good mother, that if it weren't for Kyle, my children would have nothing... and that's fine. I understand now that I was given this task because I could handle it (although sometimes I don't think I can) I am learning so much from him, and I am becoming the mother that I was meant to be. My children have always come first to me. I protect them with everything in me, and for now, if that means weeks of little sleep, on an uncomfortable air mattress, being woken up countless times and having to snuggle and rock my 3 year old back to sleep, I am happy to do it. I am so lucky and blessed to have him, and my job as his mother is to help him be someone that I not only love but that I like. And with the help of so many people who want to see him (and me) succeed... we are getting there!
