Lumps and bumps

Last month, Jaxton woke up complaining that his neck hurt.  I figured he had just slept wrong (you know, body on the bed, head off to the size) so I gave him a heat pad and went on with our day.  We went to story time at the library and Jaxt was being especially whiny, so I had him sit on my lap.  He was still complaining that his neck was bothering him and when I looked... there was a huge bump on the side.  I wasn't sure what to do and Kyle was in class.  I thought maybe he just bumped it so we went on with our day.  During dinner he started crying, so we ran to Instacare.  The Dr did a quick exam and told us it just felt like a swollen lymph node and that if it didn't change in 2 weeks we needed to take him to his pediatrician.  2 weeks passed and there was no change so we took him in.  She came in and did an exam and wanted to run some blood tests, one included was a leukemia test (that was too much for me... especially after my mom's diagnoses this year).  Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary so she referred us to an ENT.  We saw Dr. Pearson just a few days later.  He came in, talked to us for a few minutes and felt around Jaxton's neck.  He didn't say much and then said "I think this needs to come out".  He went back to feeling the lump and telling us some of the things that it COULD be.  He wanted to have an ultrasound done to see if it was a cyst and then set up surgery for 2 weeks later.
The next night, Jaxt was up all night screaming!  It was awful.  We took him into the ER the next morning and Jaxt had an ear infection.  They put him on antibiotics for 10 days and sent us home.
We went in for the ultrasound the next Monday.  Kyle had class so I went with Jaxton alone.  The ultrasound tech didn't say much and Dr. Pearson called us a few hours later and said that he didn't see any cysts and wanted to proceed with surgery.
We went into to the hospital at 8:15 am on April 24th.  A huge thanks to Krissy Harrison for taking Paisley!  It was just one less thing I had to worry about.  We went right back and the nurses started getting us prepped.  Dr. Pearson came in and felt his neck again.  Our hope was that because Jaxt was on antibiotics, the lump would have gone down and we wouldn't have to proceed.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  They came in and got Jaxt at 9:30 and he was back in the room by 10:30.  They said he did awesome, and they sent the "lump" to the lab for a full biopsy.  We were released by 11:30 since Jaxt was awake and alert and drank his juice and ate his Popsicle.  He was back to running around, jumping and being his normal fun self within a few hours.
  Waiting for the results sucks!  I try to not think about it... but it creeps up on me occasionally.  Hopefully we will hear something today or tomorrow.   We have had a few issues managing pain the past 2 days, but other than that it seems to be doing well.  I can't wait to have this behind us.

I love this little dude so hard core!  I hope and pray that it is nothing and this will be the end of it!  We have felt the love and prayers that have been said on our behalf.  No matter what the outcome, we have been truly blessed and we can get through anything together (although I'm hoping that we don't have to!)

Mama loves holidays!

I read an article on Facebook the other day.  It was posted by someone I know through someone else (does that even make sense??)  but I love to read what she posts about her kids or her... she is so witty and funny... and I secretly love her (not in a creepy way ya'll).  She posted it on St. Patrick's Day and I really enjoyed the concept.  The article talked about how holidays have become bigger than ever, and the expectations from our children is greater and greater. I don't go all out for our kids.  I plan a few fun activities for us (when I can) and I do my best to make holidays here special and memorable, without going overboard or breaking the bank.

Let me clarify something here.  Usually I am a fan of making the kids wear red or pink on Valentine's Day, but it was also the first day of Spring Training so I was ok with Kyle putting Jaxton in a Yankee's shirt.

I laid out everyone's outfit in the morning, including Kyle's... he is such a good sport!  

We didn't set a Leprechaun trap or eat Lucky Charms (we actually finished the box the day before and I forgot to buy more... so that was that).  

4 year old fun!

                                                       Birthday Interview
Favorite color: blue
Favorite TV show: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Favorite Movie: Lego Movie
Best friend: Paisley
Favorite thing to do outside: jump on the trampoline
Favorite toy: legos
Favorite Superhero: The Hulk
Favorite thing to do with dad: Play with toys
Favorite thing to do with mom: play with toys
Favorite food: pizza
Favorite sport: Basketball


Jaxton's birthday was on Presidents Day this year... February 17.  That was fun because Kyle had the day off from school... so we got the whole day with him.  The whole day was about Jaxton's favorite things!  We started with cinnamon rolls for breakfast... he always asks for cinnamon rolls but we don't have them too often.  Then it was presents from mom and dad.  Jaxton has been asking for legos for awhile, but I had mixed feelings about buying them.  I grew up with brother's who had legos so the hundreds of little pieces everywhere doesn't bother me but what does bother me is Jaxt likes to carry his toys around... everywhere... and they always end up lost.  And legos are expensive and small... and I knew they would be lost (and they already are!).  We got him a couple of other things that he loved!  After that, we went and got Subway and had a picnic at the park.  After we ate, I made Kyle take me home so I could get a coat... so after that we went back to the park.  We stayed there for a couple of hours and then went bowling.  Jaxton was in heaven!  He thought it was the best thing ever.  It was fun watching him and Paisley bowl... we will definitely have to do it again... soon!  We came home and got cleaned up and then Jaxton got to pick dinner... McDonald's.  Since it was his birthday we let him play in the playplace.  That place is so disgusting!!  It's a once (maybe twice if Paisley picks it) a year thing!  Then we came home and had cake and ice cream.  Jaxton begged and begged us to buy him a basketball cake... which is weird because he really hasn't been into basketball... I figured he would want minions, superheroes, ninja turtles, toy story, legos or anything like that... but not basketball.  But whatever... he was happy and that was all that mattered.  It was a great day with our family!

We love you Jaxton.  You have such a sweet heart and a kind spirit.  He is the most loving person I know.  I am lucky to be his mom!  

Hit Home Hard

2 weeks ago, January 3, I got a text from my sister saying that my mom had been admitted into the hospital.  It was only to run some tests and there was nothing to worry about.  She had gone into the ER because she had an issue that she went to see her dr about and her dr referred her to a specialist.  The specialist couldn't see her for 3 weeks and she needed answers sooner, so she went to the Emergency Room knowing that someone would see her much sooner.  She hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks so we figured they would run some tests, give her some strong antibiotics, and all would be well.  BOY WERE WE WRONG!
Mom called me the next day from the hospital.  She said "Hey Shan, what are you guys up to?" I responded with whatever we were doing and the next words and how she said them stay with me "Well, I wanted to call and tell you I have stage 4 liver cancer and there are also spots on my colon.  They can't do anything to help my colon... the drs have given me 3-5 years"  as she was saying it she started crying.  I don't know if it was the information just given to me, the unexpectedness of her crying or both but I cried along with her.  She told me there was nothing I could do and I didn't need to rush down there, I could if I wanted to but that she would be in the hospital for a few more days and she would let me know if there was any news or new developments.  I hung up with her and cried into Kyle's shoulder.  He held me close and I just wept. 
There is some info that my mom doesn't want shared, so out of respect for her I will skip around a bit.  Sunday came and I called my mom late that night to see how her day was (she was still in the hospital).  One of her brothers came that day and gave her and my dad Priesthood blessings.  She remembered bits and pieces and told me about them.  The next day would be surgery for her.  My dad felt very calm about what needed to be done, which I felt was a direct result of the priesthood blessing.  She wasn't scheduled for surgery until 3 pm, but I got a text at 11 saying they were taking her back.  We didn't hear much else for a few hours and then heard that mom was back in her room resting.  What a relief!  But, surgery was just the first step.  She now has to wait a month to heal, and then they will start chemo.  The word "chemo" sends chills down my spine.  I cry whenever I hear it.  My mom called me while she was in the hospital and asked me if I would be willing to come down twice a month, when she starts chemo, to help her.  Whether it is at home, help her run errands, make her food if she cant, etc.  We don't know how her body will respond and I am so thankful she would ask me.  Kyle and I went down the Friday after she got out of the hospital.  She was up and walking around, laughing and joking.  But really, the worst is still to come.  Nothing has happened yet in the grand scheme of things.
So now we wait.  My mom has good days and bad days with her emotions... I do too.  I have learned a lot from this trial.  The best being that no matter what, family comes through.  No matter what the situation, or the past... they come.  I love that lesson!  I have also learned that there are people who genuinely care.  I know there are daily prayers being said for my mom... I know she is loved and people are hoping she fights this and comes out victorious.  I also know that there are prayers being said for me and my husband and children.  We feel them.  We feel love and support.  Thanks to everyone who has!  But I have also learned that there are people who care for gossiping purposes.  People who say "Oh I'm so sorry" but then turn and use it as a conversation piece for something to do.  It makes me sick.  There will always be people who just need something to talk about. 
In all honesty, I'm scared.  I'm scared for my mom.  I'm scared for the pain and toll that this will all take on her.  I'm scared that the strong, brave and fearless woman that raised me will ever feel alone or scared herself.  I'm scared for my dad.  I have grown up knowing how much he loved her, how he will do anything for her, and how in his eyes she was perfect.  I'm scared to see him go through this as well.  I'm scared for my children.  I want them to grow up knowing her and loving her.  I'm scared that they might be robbed the experiences with her.  And selfishly, I'm scared for myself.  I'm scared of losing my mom, one of my very best friends.  I'm scared of having more kids and having no one to help me.  I'm scared of being separated from her at such a young age.  I'm scared of not being able to call her for advice about Kyle, my children, my work, school, church or just life.  I'm scared of having to use store bought Halloween costumes for my kids (stupid I know) or store bought baby blankets.  I'm scared of not having her come to visit and see Jaxton and Paisley light up when she gets here saying "Grammy, you came from far away to my house... I love you".
Because of the gospel, I know she will never be far from me and no matter what I will be with her again.  I know those things and I love that, but I'm not ready to lose her in this life.  I continually pray for her and for her doctors.  That they will know how to best treat her and that she will fight this.  She will be strong and know that there are so many people behind her who love her and want to see her pull through.  We love and support her and want her to know she matters to us.   

Happy Happy New Year!

Yep, skipped right over Christmas.  I was sick the Sunday before Thanksgiving, the whole next week, and until Tuesday of the next week.  I'm not in any Christmas pictures, we only took a few.  I will get around to scrapbooking them... eventually. 

New Years Eve was fun at our house... as long as we lasted!  Our usual family tradition is to do homemade Chinese food on Christmas but I was so sick and it really is a 2 man job and I didn't want to drop it all on Kyle, so we did it on New Years Eve.  We stayed up as late as we could... Jaxt made it till about 10:45 and Kyle, Pais, and I only made it to 11:30 (we suck, we know!)  We drank apple cider and ate snacks (we really know how to party here).  The kids were great and Jaxton loved saying "Mom, it's New Years Eve so we stay up late"... another year down.

My New Years Resolutions:
   Only drink soda on weekends (there was a time not to long ago that I didn't drink soda, period!  But I have gotten really bad in the last few months and I was hoping to get back off of it eventually)
   Eat out less often.  (we don't eat out too much, but I really am trying to get back into shape, and help Kyle get more into shape and I feel like eating out less is a great start)

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope 2014 brings you happiness, adventure and love!

Avance's go Disney!!

Being sick for over a week has really put me behind!  I am in serious need of some catch up... so here is the first of it!

We decided at the beginning of 2013 that we were going to take the kids to Disneyland that year... we needed some time to save up, we didn't want to go during summer, and Kyle had fall semester... so the middle of December was basically the only option we had.  But it was perfect.  The weather was great, and it was decorated for Christmas... AWESOME!  Kyle and I had gone during Christmas when we were dating and I just loved it... so it was fun experiencing that with our children as well.  We went for 3 days, Tuesday-Thursday... it was a blast but by the end of Thursday, we were done!  The kids were exhausted and so were Kyle and myself!  But the kids did great.  Jaxton loved everything about it.  He loved the rides, meeting the characters, the atmosphere and trying new things.  Paisley.. not so much.  She wanted nothing to do with the characters and it took her a few rides to get her to warm up to it, but once she did... unstoppable!  I am so happy we took the time to take our young children.  It was an adventure that we will never forget.  Jay and Hayley even came with us on Wednesday and Thursday and they were so much fun to hang out with!  We love family!!

Can't wait to go back again sometime!  We loved every minute of it!  What a fun and much needed vacation!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my least favorite holidays... It always lands right around my birthday and I'm really not a big eater, I don't really enjoy the whole celebration aspect of it.  However, I love having a day to remember the things that I am thankful for. 
Kyle got down to Vegas sooner than we had expected so we went with my parents to my Aunt Alice's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was so fun to spend time with her and my Uncle Rick, their children and my grandparents.  My grandma just turned 80, and she really doesn't remember much... so I enjoy the little moments we have left with her! 
On Friday, we had dinner with the Avance family.  It was hectic before dinner and Paisley didn't get a nap, so she was a grump after but we were happy they were willing to wait until Friday to celebrate so we could celebrate with them. 
A lot has happened this past year that has had me really pondering the most important things in life.  Most important to me is my family... Kyle, Jaxton and Paisley are the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me.  I feel at times, I am terrible at making sure they all know how much I love and appreciate them but I will spend my whole life trying to show them.  I am also thankful for our extended families... which I am also not really good at showing. 
It was fun spending Thanksgiving in Las Vegas (too warm for comfort in my opinion).  We enjoyed doing a little black Friday shopping and spending time as a family.  We are lucky and constantly counting our many blessings!