Memories

I was cleaning the house today and found a box I made in some counselling I had done awhile back. The purpose of the box was to keep me calm when I got angry, happy when I got sad or just to remind me of all of the good things I have in life. I have continued to add things to this box (which Jaxton has recently destroyed) but there was something in there I had completely forgotten about. It was summer of 2008 and I was home from college. I was in one of the worst episodes of my eating disorder and I was literally struggling to stay afloat. I had told my sister how much I was struggling and what was going on and she immediately called my mom. We had gone to see the bishop and he encouraged me to talk to my family, especially my brother who had only recently left on his mission. I wrote to Jay and told him what was going on and how poorly I was handling it. Shortly after, I received a letter from him... I hadn't heard from him in a week and was stoked. It was addressed to just me and I ripped it open. There was a tiny, quarter of a piece of paper folded up. I opened it up and read what he wrote first "Shannon- your letter made me weep. I haven't cried on the mission yet. Except for now. We had a devotional where a missionary talked about a hard decision he had to make. He found this crumpled up on the ground in front of his chapel. Its inspiring. Read it, hang it up on your mirror do whatever girls do with things. But read it out loud every morning. Be unashamed. Side with our savior. I'll pray for you and fast for you. I love you. Your brother, Elder Jay LaPratt" He attached a scripture as well... "And now my son Shiblon, I would that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."

This is what was written on the reverse side:

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when he returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear. - Anonymous

I needed to see this today. While I struggle with some of the other issues in my life, I was immediately reminded of how I am never alone. I needed to remember how much my brother's loved me. I hate how I feel lately, but I will forever be grateful for the lessons I have learned in the struggles I have had. This is such a precious memory for me.

2 years!!!

Kyle and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary on March 28. I seriously LOVE this man! Our anniversary must seriously be cursed. On our 1 year anniversary, I had an infection that kept me in bed, shivering and throwing up (attractive right?!?) and this year, kyle was completely beat up and in so much pain. We went to our favorite Mexican restuarant (in Cedar City at least) and spent the rest of the night cuddling. We'll hope for a better celebration next year!!!

We did however plan on having more of a celebration on our vacation... which we did!!

Kyle's Accident

So I don't wanna write too much about this because it still makes be break down into tears, but there are a few things we want to remember.

March 18, 2011 - Kyle was working down in St George doing concrete for Rob. This is nothing unusual, and he keeps my updated on his day. He called me at 4:45, he was supposed to be heading out to Hurricane to finish a pool but was called on the way out there and was told that they no longer needed his truck, they were finished. He called to tell me how pissed off he was but happy that he got to come home. We were going to go see a movie (which we don't do often, so it was exciting for us). I left work at 5 and went to get Jaxton from Chandler's house. As I was putting Jaxton in his carseat, my phone started ringing. I could see it from where I was and saw that it was Kyle. I figured he was just calling to tell me that he was heading home and I could expect him in about an hour. I called him back once I got in the car and was driving away... but when someone picked up his phone.... it wasn't Kyle. My heart immediately sank. It was his co-worker Chris, who I have only met a few times. He told me that Kyle had been in an accident, but the paramedics were with him and he was talking to them. One of the paramedics got on the phone and I asked him where I needed to go and what I needed to do. He told me to stay put (in Cedar... 45 minutes away) and he would call me back. HELL NO!!! Jill called me once they had been informed of the accident and told me they were taking Kyle to Dixie, I was already headed down there, so at least now I knew where he would be. We spent hours and hours in the emergency room, Kyle was pretty beat up and has no recollection of what happened (thank goodness!!!!) He kept asking to see Rob, and for me to tell him that he was sorry. I am pretty sure that was not Rob's concern but Kyle kept insisting. We spent that night in the hospital so that they could monitor Kyle's concussion. They finally released him the next day around 2. We got back to Cedar and our amazing friends had come over, cleaned our home and spent the day watching Jaxton. Our bishop and his wife had taken him the night before so I could stay with Kyle and not have to worry. My parents came up before Kyle was released and had a late lunch waiting for us. They took Jaxton and Dayzee for a week since Kyle wouldn't be able to pick him up or tend to him much and I still needed to work since this had the potential of putting a damper on our usual flow of income. Our ward brought meals to us for most of the week (which was amazing and greatly appreciated)

Here are the things we want to remember:

1. Kyle made a comment one day about Heaven watching over him because there must be more babies up there waiting to come to our home (adorable!)

2. I spent most of the night in the hospital room watching him drift in and out of sleep and just being so grateful that he is my husband and that I had him. I am so lucky to have him and to still have him.

3. Kyle was super beat up, luckily nothing was broken. We noticed when we got him home and showered how incredibly scratched and bruised he was, but only in places that his garments don't cover. What a testimony builder!

4. We have made such amazing friends while we have been here in Cedar City. As much as I hate this place, I am grateful for the people that we have met and who have been there for us when we needed it most.

Thanks to everyone for all of the love, support, meals, texts, calls, emails, prayers and concern. Our little family was definitely blessed and we are completely aware of that!