Memories

I was cleaning the house today and found a box I made in some counselling I had done awhile back. The purpose of the box was to keep me calm when I got angry, happy when I got sad or just to remind me of all of the good things I have in life. I have continued to add things to this box (which Jaxton has recently destroyed) but there was something in there I had completely forgotten about. It was summer of 2008 and I was home from college. I was in one of the worst episodes of my eating disorder and I was literally struggling to stay afloat. I had told my sister how much I was struggling and what was going on and she immediately called my mom. We had gone to see the bishop and he encouraged me to talk to my family, especially my brother who had only recently left on his mission. I wrote to Jay and told him what was going on and how poorly I was handling it. Shortly after, I received a letter from him... I hadn't heard from him in a week and was stoked. It was addressed to just me and I ripped it open. There was a tiny, quarter of a piece of paper folded up. I opened it up and read what he wrote first "Shannon- your letter made me weep. I haven't cried on the mission yet. Except for now. We had a devotional where a missionary talked about a hard decision he had to make. He found this crumpled up on the ground in front of his chapel. Its inspiring. Read it, hang it up on your mirror do whatever girls do with things. But read it out loud every morning. Be unashamed. Side with our savior. I'll pray for you and fast for you. I love you. Your brother, Elder Jay LaPratt" He attached a scripture as well... "And now my son Shiblon, I would that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."

This is what was written on the reverse side:

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when he returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear. - Anonymous

I needed to see this today. While I struggle with some of the other issues in my life, I was immediately reminded of how I am never alone. I needed to remember how much my brother's loved me. I hate how I feel lately, but I will forever be grateful for the lessons I have learned in the struggles I have had. This is such a precious memory for me.