Mothers Who Know

A couple of weeks ago, Kyle was asked if we would speak in church on the topic "Families". Of course he said that we would, much to my dismay! I pondered for awhile about what I would speak on, and a talk that was given in October 2007 General Conference by Julie B Beck titled "Mother's Who Know" kept creeping into my mind. I thought long and hard if I would change the topic of "Families" into the topic "Mothers" and if that was appropriate or even if it was the approach I wanted to take. Let me go back a little bit...
I was in my first semester of school at SUU when I was introduced to this talk in an Institute class. There was a girl who sat in the very back corner of the class. She was extremely quiet and didn't have any friends in the class. She never raised her hand to give an opinion or volunteer for the prayer or talking about an experience or a spiritual moment. She was just there, sometimes it wasn't even obvious if she was getting anything from the class. She was always one of the first ones in the class and one of the first ones back out. After listening to this talk in class, the teacher, Bro. Adair called on her for her opinion. He must have noticed that the talk touched her in a way, unlike any other talk had, because the look on her face read shock and embarrassment. With tears filling in her eyes she said "I loved the part that reads 'Mothers who know are leaders. In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization. These mothers plan for the future of their organization. They plan for missions, temple marriages and education." She went on to say "Before I moved to Cedar City, I was in a bad place. I had bad friends and I was making bad choices. I was engaged to a guy that was no good... he wasn't a member and he treated me poorly. My mother always supported my decisions, but would constantly, lovingly remind me that I wanted to be married in the temple. I don't know if she knew it then, but I was listening. I broke off that engagement and started searching for other options. School soon became very important to me. I wanted to get a degree and make something of myself. I applied to SUU, knowing that without some kind of scholarship, I couldn't afford to go, but I was accepted. With much sorrow, I prepared to turn down the acceptance. My mom came into my room one night and sat down and said "We want you to go, we feel it is a great opportunity for you and we have been saving for this. We will pay".
That lonely girl was me... and I will forever be grateful to my parents and especially to my mother for the opportunity I was given to move from home and eventually meet my eternal companion. If you are not familiar with this talk, please take the time to read it.
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0%2C5232%2C23-1-775-27%2C00.html
I did give my talk on mothers and I was lucky enough to have my mother there with me (she came to watch Jax since he is quite the talker during church). I now feel I have direction in my life as far as being a mother is concerned. I am excited for the future, I feel confident and successful about the past. I am so lucky to have been blessed with a "Mother who knew".

Timber!!!

So today pretty much sucked! I wanna blog it so Kyle and I can laugh about it years from now! I haven't been feeling well, and I called my boss this morning and he said to not worry about coming into work. If you know me, that wasn't an option... so I laid around for about an hour and a half then got up and went into work. Our sales girl, Ashley, asked me if I wanted to do a lunch with her so I could meet one of our major referral sources and so they would know who they were talking to when they called. A chance to get out of the office??? I'll take it!!! So we went over to the pediatrics office and started to set up. I was feeling fine and then everyone came in and started eating. It started getting really really hot... so I thought "There are too many people in this little room and I'm wearing a jacket" so I took my jacket off. It was STILL really really hot and I started to get dizzy. I thought I needed to just sit down so I tapped a nurse on the leg and asked if there was a bathroom near by I could use... The next thing I remember the dr was carrying me into the hallway, I remember him saying a few things to me and I said "I'm so dizzy again" and the next thing I remember I am laying in the fetal position in the middle of some random dr's hallway having my blood pressure taken. I passed out... not once but TWICE! Apparently the first time, I was less than an inch away from hitting some cabinets. They had me call my regular dr and he wanted us to rush right in. I don't think anything was that serious that I needed to see a dr, just a few bruises and my neck and shoulders hurt today, Dr Allen was probably packed full of boring patients today and just wanted to see us. He ran a few tests and told me I need to put on some weight. He said considering the results of the tests, he is not surprised that my body reacted the way that it did. I was obviously dehydrated and just not doing well. I have a few things to be thankful for. For one, I am thankful that if I was going to pass out, it was in a place that could help me! What better place to fall than a dr's office!? Second, I am thankful that Ashley wanted me to go that day with her!!! I can't even imagine if that had happened at work when I was all alone in the office. How long would I have gone without anyone even finding me... and how would I have helped myself when I did finally come to? Third, I am grateful for the amazing people I am surrounded by! Ashley wouldn't leave my side until kyle got there and Kyle won't leave my side... period! Now when I have to say to customers "Have you fallen in the past six months" I can laugh to myself because I have to say "Yes". But today wasn't all bad... before I went to work, Jax was being really really cute... so we took a few pictures of it.


Someone is in desperate need of a haircut... again!

Workin' Girl

There won't be any pictures in this post... I have been so crazy busy, when I look back years from now I want to remember why. I started working a full time job. Now before you make your quick judgements. let me go into some of the reasoning behind this decision. I don't feel obligated to explain myself, but I know how easy it is to judge mom's who voluntarily work, especially when 1) you're LDS and 2) you think you know the situation, but maybe you don't. This past year I was diagnosed with a condition called disthymia. For those who don't know what that is (me included until they said I had it) I will explain. It was explained to me like this: Most people function on a day to day basis with a "mood" level of about 7. They are generally pretty happy, even without any extra excitement or enthusiasm, that is their norm. I function at about a 4. (Remember, this is just a general explanation, not an exact science). I have been staying home with Jax and loving as much of it as I could. I didn't notice the signs at first that something was wrong, but Kyle did. He would call me and I would be in these awful, weird, unexplainable funks... that I literally couldn't get out of. So we sought help. I took these personality tests (like 850 questions) with a psychologist and he called us in a few weeks later to go over things with us. He explained my results of the test, and diagnosed me with disthymia. He also said I have depressive tendencies and likely I was slipping into depression, but because this isn't my first round of this, I subconsciously knew what was going on and would work to get out of it. There were a lot of other things in his report. My first appointment with him was almost 4 hours long... he got a lot of information! So Kyle and I took this information home and discussed our options. I have a lot of issues with anxiety as well so medication was what the psychologist recommended. I was on an antidepression medication in high school that made me sleep all of the time. I felt numb to the world and I didn't want to live that way again. Kyle and I decided we would use medication as a final result. So I began to look for other alternatives. I needed to do something to help myself, so I could be a good mom and a good wife. I started applying for other part time jobs, nothing too serious but something to get me away from grave shifts (which were also not good for my condition!) I was invited to interview for a full time job at a company called Praxair. It's a medical supply company. They do mainly oxygen, CPAP's, and nebulizers... but a few other things as well. I wasn't really expecting anything but they called me in for a second interview with the head guy over the entire western U.S. He talked with me for over an hour and offered me a job on the spot. So I have been working full time for almost a month. Kyle says he definitely notices a difference in me, and I notice a difference in myself as well. I miss Jax like CRAZY but Kyle brings him by often, I see him on my lunch and I am never too tired to play. So if you still want to judge, go right ahead. I sincerely hope no one else goes through the pain I have been through recently while we struggled to find out what was wrong with me. I wouldn't wish my previous internal misery on anyone. I love my family and I love myself enough to know what is best for me will result in the best for my family! I hope one day I can be at home with my children, but until then... I am comfortable and happy with the decision I have made and the support I recieved from my family for it.