Workin' Girl

There won't be any pictures in this post... I have been so crazy busy, when I look back years from now I want to remember why. I started working a full time job. Now before you make your quick judgements. let me go into some of the reasoning behind this decision. I don't feel obligated to explain myself, but I know how easy it is to judge mom's who voluntarily work, especially when 1) you're LDS and 2) you think you know the situation, but maybe you don't. This past year I was diagnosed with a condition called disthymia. For those who don't know what that is (me included until they said I had it) I will explain. It was explained to me like this: Most people function on a day to day basis with a "mood" level of about 7. They are generally pretty happy, even without any extra excitement or enthusiasm, that is their norm. I function at about a 4. (Remember, this is just a general explanation, not an exact science). I have been staying home with Jax and loving as much of it as I could. I didn't notice the signs at first that something was wrong, but Kyle did. He would call me and I would be in these awful, weird, unexplainable funks... that I literally couldn't get out of. So we sought help. I took these personality tests (like 850 questions) with a psychologist and he called us in a few weeks later to go over things with us. He explained my results of the test, and diagnosed me with disthymia. He also said I have depressive tendencies and likely I was slipping into depression, but because this isn't my first round of this, I subconsciously knew what was going on and would work to get out of it. There were a lot of other things in his report. My first appointment with him was almost 4 hours long... he got a lot of information! So Kyle and I took this information home and discussed our options. I have a lot of issues with anxiety as well so medication was what the psychologist recommended. I was on an antidepression medication in high school that made me sleep all of the time. I felt numb to the world and I didn't want to live that way again. Kyle and I decided we would use medication as a final result. So I began to look for other alternatives. I needed to do something to help myself, so I could be a good mom and a good wife. I started applying for other part time jobs, nothing too serious but something to get me away from grave shifts (which were also not good for my condition!) I was invited to interview for a full time job at a company called Praxair. It's a medical supply company. They do mainly oxygen, CPAP's, and nebulizers... but a few other things as well. I wasn't really expecting anything but they called me in for a second interview with the head guy over the entire western U.S. He talked with me for over an hour and offered me a job on the spot. So I have been working full time for almost a month. Kyle says he definitely notices a difference in me, and I notice a difference in myself as well. I miss Jax like CRAZY but Kyle brings him by often, I see him on my lunch and I am never too tired to play. So if you still want to judge, go right ahead. I sincerely hope no one else goes through the pain I have been through recently while we struggled to find out what was wrong with me. I wouldn't wish my previous internal misery on anyone. I love my family and I love myself enough to know what is best for me will result in the best for my family! I hope one day I can be at home with my children, but until then... I am comfortable and happy with the decision I have made and the support I recieved from my family for it.