The Internet

***Forewarning*** This is not a post to hurt anyone or to make public some of the very private happenings in our lives. This is a reminder for myself, my husband and some day my children of the potential harms of the internet and the wonderful counsel we have been given.

A couple of weeks ago, an email popped up on my phone. It was late on a Saturday night, we had a few friends at our house and I chose to ignore it for the time being. Later on, as I was getting ready for bed, I remembered my phone was flashing about that email so I checked it. It was an email from Facebook (I'm sure we all get these) so I opened it. It was an extremely cruel and nasty post, written on a family members wall about me and directed to me. It took me a few minutes and a few tries to comprehend what was actually being said... not because I can't read, but because I was in complete and total shock for two reasons.

1. That something like that was even being said.

2. That is was being said on Facebook, a place that is so public and lacks any sort of privacy.

Kyle and I are very open and very honest with each other, so I immediately handed him my phone. I think he reread it more times than I did. I watched as the look on his face went from "we just had a great night with our friends" enjoyment to pure sadness and anger. We spent a little bit of time discussing it and how we felt. Kyle expressed both of those feelings. My first reaction was anger and disgust. But it quickly turned to something of sadness. Not sadness for myself and the negative things which had been said to and about me... but to sadness for the person who felt justified in writing those things. As I have openly mentioned previously, I have struggled with feelings of depression, anxiety, low self esteem and little self worth. I too have made inappropriate comments in my past for the sole purpose of hurting someone else. I remember all those years ago, the good feelings I could get when I made someone else cry. It was many years ago, but those feelings are not easy to forget. Kyle immediately called the person who wrote it, even though it was late and we were tired. He got every excuse in the book, none of which he can remember because he "didn't care... nothing justifies something like that". He made the hard decision that while things like that are happening, that person has no place in our life, or our children's life. I know that decision hurt him, but we haven't discussed it since.

This isn't the first time something negative like this has been posted about me on the internet. It's not the first time Kyle has had to go to bat for me. It happened a few months ago, not on Facebook, but on a different social networking type site. He addressed it at that time and we haven't discussed it since. But this previous time was right before we were scheduled to meet with our bishop. It was something that I got an extreme prompting to mention to him, so I did. I mentioned how harmful I felt things like this are to our relationship, not because we listen or care, but because it seems negative things are being said more than positive. The bishops counsel it what came into my mind when I read that horrible Facebook post. He said "Be extremely cautious and weary about where you go on the Internet. It can be a great tool and a great way to keep in touch with people we love, but I often think people use the Internet to say things they can not or will not say in person. It is a way for people to hide behind what they say and not have to take accountability for their actions. I urge you to stay away from anything that in any way disrupts, or could disrupt your lives together." Kyle and I haven't been back to that site in months.

I have been careful the past few months in what I have said and who I have said it to, in person or the internet. Although we don't go back to that previous website, I won't let one person ruin the fun connections I have gained on Facebook. Their opinion doesn't control our lives, nor should we let it. Kyle and I are happy, regardless if that person thinks I am a bad wife and mother and don't deserve him. Kyle is with me every single day. He knows that is not true and he continues to love and support me and our family. I am grateful for the prompting I had to speak to the bishop and I am happy for the advice we were given. I do think it has forever changed my life.