Fenogreek

I will get around to posting pictures of the house one day... but this move was extremely stressful for me. We were qualified for our home and were supposed to close the beginning of September, so Kyle and I spent the time and care to pack up a lot of our home in perfectly labelled boxes... then we waited... and waited... and waited! Nothing happened, so there we were with a living room FULL of boxes and nothing to cook with, maybe 2 towels and of course all of those boxes were at the bottom of a huge stack! September ended and October began, and we were still waiting. Our apartment landlord was fantastic and let us stay even though someone was waiting for our place, which just caused me more stress! Then the call came, we were ready to sign and move. We signed on a Friday at 1:00 pm and started moving into our house at 5. It was a two day process (it's amazing the crap you hold on to and accumulate over even just a year!) More stress! I don't handle stress well. I know a lot of people are stress eaters, but that's not me... I refer to myself as more of a stress starver. I had been doing so good since Paisley was born of eating (gorging myself) for every meal and she never went without milk. But the move and the stress kicked in my old bad habits and I was noticing less and less milk. I started to freak out (naturally). Jaxton was allergic to breast milk and I only got to nurse him for 6 months before they found out and he had to go on a special formula to give him nutrients and calories that he was missing. Paisley on the other hand has been thriving with breast milk. She is a little chunkers and it is adorable. Those little chunky legs, oh I could die for! So I was devastated. I started doing some research about how to get my milk back and I found a natural substance called Fenogreek. Kyle and I went to the health food store to pick some up. You take 2 pills 4 times a day, for up to 72 hours. This was the end of last month that I was doing this and I haven't had a problem with milk since. I am back to pumping a full bottle every morning, after she has eaten and is refusing to eat anymore! I am so happy I found this! We have a freezer FULL of milk and it is such an accomplishing feeling. My goal is to make it for a full year, I may not and I could accept that. But in the meantime, Fenogreek... you are my hero!

October

So here is a lot of October. I got a few pointers from my sister in law with regards to my scrapbooking, I'm still not great but the pointers helped! October was a fun month! We got our first snow storm. Jax wasn't too fond of the snow, but I pushed him out there to get pictures!

We went down to the Pumpkin Patch at Staheli Farms in St George with Rob, Jill and Ethan. Jax had a lot of fun!!! There were swings, a petting zoo, a corn maze, slides, and of course Pumpkins. Jaxton growls whenever there is something scary, so he went around growling at all of the decorations (and he would even do this to the decorations in our home)... while we were at the Pumpkin Patch it got a lot colder than I thought it would and I had left Jaxton's jacket in the car so I said "Jax, mommy's sorry she forgot your jacket in the car" and he growled at me. He is so funny!!!

We went out to Panaca for a day and spent time with some of the Avance family. I snuck in some pictures of the kids in their Halloween outfits. Jaxton had a blast out there! There was so much room to run and play! He cried the whole way home because he didn't want to leave. What kid wouldn't love swings, slides, trampolines, lots of grass, plenty of attention, candy and NO BEDTIME!!


Kyle's mom brought each of the kids costumes while we were in Panaca. Jaxton already had a Buzz Lightyear costume from my mom and we had bought Paisley a kitty cat costume. We had a few activities to go to during Halloween so we changed them in between. I wanted to get to use each costume because they were all so cute. Jaxton loved being the monkey. He loves saying "ah ah" like a monkey whenever he sees pictures of himself.

The best part of October was that we signed and moved into our first home!!! Is this our dream home? No. Is it huge with tons of storage and plenty of room for our family to grow? No. But it is just right for what we need now. Jaxton loves having a yard to play in and more room to run and play. Kyle loves having the garage and I love having more than 1 bathroom! And we love that it is ours! Kyle has pretty much decided on a career path, so we'll probably be leaving sooner than we thought but we are happy for the opportunity we had to make the investment. We love our home! It's great to be in it!

September

I have been SUCKING at blogging. I have began new projects (which I'm also not very good at) but luckily September was pretty uneventful for our family! I quit my job in September, so I am an official stay at home mom, which has been a difficult adjustment but I am happy with our decision! Kyle is working like crazy to make up for the lost income, but we are doing just fine and we are happy, which is the most important thing! I was really bad at taking pictures in September, so I'll post the few I can find


We blessed Paisley on September 24th. It was such a good day with our families who love and support Pais. We are so blessed to have such wonderful families. I can truly say I love them all!!

I have been learning how to do digital scrapbooking... I am in no way good at it, but I'm trying. So here are a few pages that I have done for September and a few random pictures I need to put into pages. I'll try to get October posted soon!

One Month

Paisley is already 1 month old. Adjusting to life with 2 kids has been difficult, but we're getting the hang of it! Jaxton absolutely loves her. He loves to hold her and kiss her. When she cries, he goes and finds a binky for her. Kyle and I are blessed to have 2 amazing kids!!

- can already hold her head up on her own

- sleeps most of the day

- has her days and nights mixed up

We absolutely love her!!! She is so precious and so beautiful! She is loving the attention she is getting (which is plenty)

Paisley BreeAnn Avance

I am almost a month behind... I am tired... 2 kids is literally killing me, but they are fantastic and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Our sweet little princess wasn't due until August 2, but in my 34th week, (June 27th to be exact) something didn't feel right. I was having awful pains and my contractions didn't feel like braxton hicks. Kyle was working concrete down in St George that day and I was at work, but I called Dr. Allen's office anyways because my heart kept telling me something was wrong. His nurse talked to me about how I was feeling, talked to Dr. Allen and told me I needed to go to the hospital right away. I immediately burst into tears. This has not been an easy pregnancy and I didn't want to go to the hospital alone. Kyle promised me he would get to me as soon as possible but I needed to go in now. So alone I went. I cried as I undressed and continued to cry as they hooked up the monitors. It was obvious as soon as they got the monitors on that I was having regular contractions. Dr. Allen said I needed to be monitored for awhile longer and he would head over. He instructed the nurse that they needed to stop my labor (what... I was in LABOR???) I was told that the best option was a series of 3 shots... can't remember what they are called but it would relax my uterus and my labor would stop at that point. I didn't get the opportunity to talk to my dr about it to see if I had any other options, so she began the shots. A side effect of the shots is a racing heart, for me and the baby. I got the first shot and the nurse stayed with me while both of our hearts calmed down. Shortly after, Kyle showed up and I couldn't be strong anymore. I tried to hide it from Kyle but he knows me better than that! He came over to just hold me. I couldn't help but think I had done something wrong, that our baby was in danger and it was all my fault. By then, Dr. Allen had showed up and reassured me that it wasn't anything I had any control over. By then, they knew that the first shot didn't work, and prepped me for shot #2. This shot sent our babies heart RACING! I wasn't even concerned about what mine was doing, I needed to know that she was ok. Dr Allen stayed there as well to make sure everything was fine. The second shot seemed to work and we were released soon after. Dr Allen ordered bed rest for me until I could safely deliver her.

At 39 weeks, I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I was having pain EVERYWHERE! I couldn't even sit still at work anymore. I called Dr. Allen's office and he wasn't in, but I could meet with another dr if I wanted. Fabulous... "Ummm, I haven't met you before, but feel free to do a pelvic exam and a good feel around"... but that's what we did. Dr. Gray was fantastic as well. He informed us that because 5 weeks previously they had to "aggressively stop my labor" there is a good chance that I won't deliver naturally... so I could wait a week just in case, or go ahead an be induced. I am not for being induced, I think babies come when they are supposed to come, but she might not come, so we chose to be induced.

We went to the hospital at 3 am on July 27, 2011. The started the pitocin at 3:30ish and then kinda left me to be. I was surprised at how calm I stayed. I was able to sleep for awhile, catch up on some reading, and watch some tv. At 7 am, I looked over at Kyle, who was passed out because I needed him. I knew he was so tired so I just sat there, in complete pains and couldn't help but cry. The nurse came in and I tried to hide it, but she asked "do you have a slight cold, I can hear you sniffling" she took one look at my face and said "oh, you're crying... do you want me to call for the epidural?" She ran and did what she needed to do, then came back and sat on the bed with me and tried to keep me calm until Kyle woke up. It wasn't much later that he did and he took over holding my hand and stroking my hair. The epidural finally got there at about 8:40 (the anesthegiologist had been in with a C-section and couldn't leave until she was returned to her room). They got me the epidural and then things went FAST!!! Dr Allen came in at 9:20 to break my water and it wasn't 10 minutes later I was at a 10 and fully effaced. We had to wait a little while for Dr. Allen to get back, he wasn't expecting it to go that fast. I did a practice push to move her down, didn't even get to the 10 second mark and the nurse told me to stop pushing, she was starting to crown and the dr wasn't here yet. I had Kyle call my mom so she could come. We live really close to the hospital so I was sure she would make it. Dr. Allen got there and got suited up, he told me to push once, hard. So I did and there she was... 9:56 am July 27, 2011. She weighed 7 lbs 6 ounces and was 19 inches long. She is beautiful! I honestly didn't know how I could love someone else as much as Jaxton, but when they laid her on my chest, I completely understood. She had no health issues and we were released from the hospital 24 hours later. We are so in love with this little girl. She has her daddy completely wrapped around her finger... we are smitten!! I can't help but be grateful for how lucky and blessed we have been.

Goodbye Grandma

My grandma passed away on May 31, 2011. She was born in 1922 and was 89 years old. She was the grandma that we were closest to. My dad is an only child, just leaving us 4 grand kids. I have so many memories of her, and was reminded of more when we went down to Las Vegas for her funeral. I remember so many weekends that we spent at their home. Most of the times we slept at their house, they would take us to breakfast the following morning, usually to Sam's Town. My older brother shared a memory that Grandma and Grandpa always wanted to be out of the house by 8, so they could be home by 10 for The Price is Right. I think I was too young to remember that, but it sure does sound like my grandparents. The memory that sticks out the most in my mind is that grandma would always buy the cereals with the toys we wanted in them. But she usually had to buy more than one so we wouldn't fight and we each got our own toy. When she had her stroke in 2006 and moved into the home, I don't know what ended up happening to those toys but I know she had kept them. She took so much pride in her grandchildren, and later the partners that we chose. Alan's wife, Sheena, has been around the longest so we all knew how much grandma loved her, but she would often tell me how much she loved and adored Kyle. What a special gift she had to be so full of love and affection towards everyone. The great grandchildren were also a great joy to her. We would walk into her home with our kids in hand and she would beam from ear to ear. I don't know too much from her past because there were some things she just wouldn't talk about, but I know she always wanted a little girl. My sister and I were always very special to her for that reason. But she was waiting and waiting for a great grandchild to be a girl. And I am devastated that she didn't get to met our sweet little girl before she passed. Jay shared a memory about grandma that hit my heart in a way like no other. My grandma didn't drive. As far back as I can remember she didn't even have a license. So after my grandpa passed in 1999, we took over picking her up and helping her run her errands. When I started driving, I would take her shopping once a week. I always looked forward to these outings with my grandma. She would always take us out to eat as well and Jay remembered as clear as I do how much grandma loved Taco Bell and Arby's. I can remember one time we went to Sam's Town (she lived right near there) and she won like $40 gambling and gave it all to me and just said "Don't tell your dad." I have So many special memories of my grandma, and I am grateful for the time I got to spend with her and to get to know her and love her. Grandparents are such a special part of growing up and I am grateful to still have my grandma and grandpa Andersen and all 4 of Kyle's grandparents. They definitely are a blessing in our lives.

The Internet

***Forewarning*** This is not a post to hurt anyone or to make public some of the very private happenings in our lives. This is a reminder for myself, my husband and some day my children of the potential harms of the internet and the wonderful counsel we have been given.

A couple of weeks ago, an email popped up on my phone. It was late on a Saturday night, we had a few friends at our house and I chose to ignore it for the time being. Later on, as I was getting ready for bed, I remembered my phone was flashing about that email so I checked it. It was an email from Facebook (I'm sure we all get these) so I opened it. It was an extremely cruel and nasty post, written on a family members wall about me and directed to me. It took me a few minutes and a few tries to comprehend what was actually being said... not because I can't read, but because I was in complete and total shock for two reasons.

1. That something like that was even being said.

2. That is was being said on Facebook, a place that is so public and lacks any sort of privacy.

Kyle and I are very open and very honest with each other, so I immediately handed him my phone. I think he reread it more times than I did. I watched as the look on his face went from "we just had a great night with our friends" enjoyment to pure sadness and anger. We spent a little bit of time discussing it and how we felt. Kyle expressed both of those feelings. My first reaction was anger and disgust. But it quickly turned to something of sadness. Not sadness for myself and the negative things which had been said to and about me... but to sadness for the person who felt justified in writing those things. As I have openly mentioned previously, I have struggled with feelings of depression, anxiety, low self esteem and little self worth. I too have made inappropriate comments in my past for the sole purpose of hurting someone else. I remember all those years ago, the good feelings I could get when I made someone else cry. It was many years ago, but those feelings are not easy to forget. Kyle immediately called the person who wrote it, even though it was late and we were tired. He got every excuse in the book, none of which he can remember because he "didn't care... nothing justifies something like that". He made the hard decision that while things like that are happening, that person has no place in our life, or our children's life. I know that decision hurt him, but we haven't discussed it since.

This isn't the first time something negative like this has been posted about me on the internet. It's not the first time Kyle has had to go to bat for me. It happened a few months ago, not on Facebook, but on a different social networking type site. He addressed it at that time and we haven't discussed it since. But this previous time was right before we were scheduled to meet with our bishop. It was something that I got an extreme prompting to mention to him, so I did. I mentioned how harmful I felt things like this are to our relationship, not because we listen or care, but because it seems negative things are being said more than positive. The bishops counsel it what came into my mind when I read that horrible Facebook post. He said "Be extremely cautious and weary about where you go on the Internet. It can be a great tool and a great way to keep in touch with people we love, but I often think people use the Internet to say things they can not or will not say in person. It is a way for people to hide behind what they say and not have to take accountability for their actions. I urge you to stay away from anything that in any way disrupts, or could disrupt your lives together." Kyle and I haven't been back to that site in months.

I have been careful the past few months in what I have said and who I have said it to, in person or the internet. Although we don't go back to that previous website, I won't let one person ruin the fun connections I have gained on Facebook. Their opinion doesn't control our lives, nor should we let it. Kyle and I are happy, regardless if that person thinks I am a bad wife and mother and don't deserve him. Kyle is with me every single day. He knows that is not true and he continues to love and support me and our family. I am grateful for the prompting I had to speak to the bishop and I am happy for the advice we were given. I do think it has forever changed my life.

Mommy's Day pictures

This is our family tradition. I never know what to get our mom's for Mother's Day... and my mom's suggestion is always "I would love a new family picture" so that's what we do. These aren't my favorite. I was 28 weeks, fat and uncomfortable... but we have to do new ones when our sweet little girl comes anyways. Enjoy!

Jaxton Update

I haven't posted an update on Jaxton lately! So much has changed with his. He is getting so big!!

1. He LOVES bananas!! He sees them on the counter or in the store and starts clapping and saying "Nana nana nana!"

2. He can sign.

3. He loves walking around the house saying "dada dada da" but if he is ever upset, it's always "Mama"

4. He has been walking since 9 months, but walks like a champ now!

5. He absolutely LOVES Dayzee! He loves to say "Dayzee" and play keep away with her toys.

6. His favorite past time is climbing on the ottoman and jumping back and forth from the couches to the ottomans and back to the couches. (Kyle tells me one time he was chasing Dayzee and jumped the wrong way and landed on her in a full on belly flop! Love him!)

7. He has 7 teeth!

8. Still wears 9 month clothes! This is getting kinda old though!

9. LOVES milk!

10. He only wants to feed himself. He gets angry if we try to help him and I think he might be a lefty! (A girl can hope right)

11. He was finally cleared for a big boy car seat!! That was so fun for him!!

12. He loves to be thrown around.

13. He plays tickle toes... basically he hates having anything stuck between his toes and he always tries to play tickle toes with me and Kyle. And then he just laughs and laughs!

14. If you say "Jaxton, where's your baby?" He will lift up his shirt and point to his belly. If you say "Where is mom's baby?" He will lift up my shirt and lay his head on my belly. So precious!!

15. He loves to laugh! If everyone else is laughing, he will start laughing too so that he doesn't feel left out.

16. He is in a total mama boy stage. I LOVE it but it drives me crazy at the same time.

17. He still wakes up once every night. He sits and crys "Mama" and I always give in and go get him.

18. When we're putting his shoes and socks on, he will lift up his feet and try to say shoes and socks

19. He is always putting his feet in our shoes and walking around

20. He has the BEST hair! It grows in so nicely and just lays flat. Lucky kid!!

He has such a fun personality. We love having him in our lives. He is going to be such a good big brother!!!

Memories

I was cleaning the house today and found a box I made in some counselling I had done awhile back. The purpose of the box was to keep me calm when I got angry, happy when I got sad or just to remind me of all of the good things I have in life. I have continued to add things to this box (which Jaxton has recently destroyed) but there was something in there I had completely forgotten about. It was summer of 2008 and I was home from college. I was in one of the worst episodes of my eating disorder and I was literally struggling to stay afloat. I had told my sister how much I was struggling and what was going on and she immediately called my mom. We had gone to see the bishop and he encouraged me to talk to my family, especially my brother who had only recently left on his mission. I wrote to Jay and told him what was going on and how poorly I was handling it. Shortly after, I received a letter from him... I hadn't heard from him in a week and was stoked. It was addressed to just me and I ripped it open. There was a tiny, quarter of a piece of paper folded up. I opened it up and read what he wrote first "Shannon- your letter made me weep. I haven't cried on the mission yet. Except for now. We had a devotional where a missionary talked about a hard decision he had to make. He found this crumpled up on the ground in front of his chapel. Its inspiring. Read it, hang it up on your mirror do whatever girls do with things. But read it out loud every morning. Be unashamed. Side with our savior. I'll pray for you and fast for you. I love you. Your brother, Elder Jay LaPratt" He attached a scripture as well... "And now my son Shiblon, I would that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."

This is what was written on the reverse side:

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when he returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear. - Anonymous

I needed to see this today. While I struggle with some of the other issues in my life, I was immediately reminded of how I am never alone. I needed to remember how much my brother's loved me. I hate how I feel lately, but I will forever be grateful for the lessons I have learned in the struggles I have had. This is such a precious memory for me.

2 years!!!

Kyle and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary on March 28. I seriously LOVE this man! Our anniversary must seriously be cursed. On our 1 year anniversary, I had an infection that kept me in bed, shivering and throwing up (attractive right?!?) and this year, kyle was completely beat up and in so much pain. We went to our favorite Mexican restuarant (in Cedar City at least) and spent the rest of the night cuddling. We'll hope for a better celebration next year!!!

We did however plan on having more of a celebration on our vacation... which we did!!

Kyle's Accident

So I don't wanna write too much about this because it still makes be break down into tears, but there are a few things we want to remember.

March 18, 2011 - Kyle was working down in St George doing concrete for Rob. This is nothing unusual, and he keeps my updated on his day. He called me at 4:45, he was supposed to be heading out to Hurricane to finish a pool but was called on the way out there and was told that they no longer needed his truck, they were finished. He called to tell me how pissed off he was but happy that he got to come home. We were going to go see a movie (which we don't do often, so it was exciting for us). I left work at 5 and went to get Jaxton from Chandler's house. As I was putting Jaxton in his carseat, my phone started ringing. I could see it from where I was and saw that it was Kyle. I figured he was just calling to tell me that he was heading home and I could expect him in about an hour. I called him back once I got in the car and was driving away... but when someone picked up his phone.... it wasn't Kyle. My heart immediately sank. It was his co-worker Chris, who I have only met a few times. He told me that Kyle had been in an accident, but the paramedics were with him and he was talking to them. One of the paramedics got on the phone and I asked him where I needed to go and what I needed to do. He told me to stay put (in Cedar... 45 minutes away) and he would call me back. HELL NO!!! Jill called me once they had been informed of the accident and told me they were taking Kyle to Dixie, I was already headed down there, so at least now I knew where he would be. We spent hours and hours in the emergency room, Kyle was pretty beat up and has no recollection of what happened (thank goodness!!!!) He kept asking to see Rob, and for me to tell him that he was sorry. I am pretty sure that was not Rob's concern but Kyle kept insisting. We spent that night in the hospital so that they could monitor Kyle's concussion. They finally released him the next day around 2. We got back to Cedar and our amazing friends had come over, cleaned our home and spent the day watching Jaxton. Our bishop and his wife had taken him the night before so I could stay with Kyle and not have to worry. My parents came up before Kyle was released and had a late lunch waiting for us. They took Jaxton and Dayzee for a week since Kyle wouldn't be able to pick him up or tend to him much and I still needed to work since this had the potential of putting a damper on our usual flow of income. Our ward brought meals to us for most of the week (which was amazing and greatly appreciated)

Here are the things we want to remember:

1. Kyle made a comment one day about Heaven watching over him because there must be more babies up there waiting to come to our home (adorable!)

2. I spent most of the night in the hospital room watching him drift in and out of sleep and just being so grateful that he is my husband and that I had him. I am so lucky to have him and to still have him.

3. Kyle was super beat up, luckily nothing was broken. We noticed when we got him home and showered how incredibly scratched and bruised he was, but only in places that his garments don't cover. What a testimony builder!

4. We have made such amazing friends while we have been here in Cedar City. As much as I hate this place, I am grateful for the people that we have met and who have been there for us when we needed it most.

Thanks to everyone for all of the love, support, meals, texts, calls, emails, prayers and concern. Our little family was definitely blessed and we are completely aware of that!

Jay's Wedding

My little brother got married on March 11, 2011 to Hayley Golightly. We had such a fun time in Vegas with them for their special day. It will be fun having Hayley in our family. Congrats to Jay and Hayley.

Oh what fun... Jaxton is ONE!!!

It's almost hard to believe my sweet little boy is a legitimate toddler now! Where did the past year go?? His birthday was on a Thursday and unfortunately I had to work... but we took him to McDonalds and got him his very first Happy Meal. Kyle has been talking about getting his little boy a Happy Meal since we found out we were pregnant. It was great to witness Kyle become so excited watching Jaxton. Jax wasn't sure he really liked it, at first... but that didn't last long. Before we knew it he had chicken McNuggetts in both hands and was shoving them in his mouth as fast as he could!

We didn't do much for Jaxton's birthday. We had our friends and family over. I had bought a fun cake pan for his cake, a monkey, since we call him our little monkey and I think Jaxton was more interested in the frosting than the actual cake. It turned into a total mess and a lot to clean up, but was so much fun!!

It has been an amazing year with this little guy! We are so happy you joined our family Jaxton! We love you!