End of an Era

You try to hold on to your babies for as long as possible.  The days of tantrums and snuggling have changed (although, I still get tantrums and snuggles).  Jaxton started preschool on September 3... it's a bittersweet time for me.  We have him enrolled at Kids Corner Preschool with Mrs. Woolsey.  He goes to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 1-3:30 pm (can I get a hallelujah for afternoon preschool).  He is so excited to be going to school like his daddy.  He even told me that after school I needed to take him to work.  We all knew I would cry... I'm that mom.  I did ok most of the way... I shed a few tears on the way but it was when he said "Mom, I don't need you to walk me in, just pick me up when I'm done, because I can't drive the car"... I bawled.  He has turned into this wonderful big boy... he is independent and sweet.  He came home from school so excited.  It's only been a week... but he is still loving school (I hope it sticks!)

Kyle's sister always does a fun School Year Eve... and we thought we would give it a try this year.  Jaxton loved it.  He got to pick the dinner he wanted... taco salad, jello and soda, with cupcakes for dessert.  We also pulled out the Super Nintendo and played TMNT: Turtles in Time.  Jaxton is obsessed with Ninja Turtles (I have no idea where this obsession came from...) so it was a perfect night for hi,.  We will try to keep up the tradition... it was a blasty!!!

Birthday Girl!!

Only a month late!!!!  Paisley turned 3 years old on July 27.  She is so much fun!  She is a crazy, sassy, grumpy, loud, funny and goofy... rolled into one tiny package!  She makes every day such an adventure.  Poor girl had her birthday fall on a Sunday, so we didn't do anything too great.  Jaxton made us buy her a princess cake, so we invited Chandler, Mark and Tiff, and the Larsen's over for cake and ice cream (or else I would have ended up eating the whole cake all by myself)  It was a fun get together with friends!

 

We went out to eat for her birthday the next day... and Paisley wanted to go to Chili's to get corn... she is so strangely wonderful!  We had a great time celebrating with her.  This past year, she has really come out of her shell, and she is so fun (with everyone... not just us). 

 

Happy Birthday Pretty Pais!  We love you always and forever!

Lexi Girl Grammy

I have a lot to post about the weekend that Penny was blessed... but I don't have the pages finished (or started for that matter)  but I wanted to post this one.  We are missing a few grandkids... but we got in the ones we could.  Mom needed this.  These kids love her so much and we are all so lucky to have her!

Take a HIKE!

Kyle and I really have been lame when it comes to taking advantage of where we live.  We hope to not live here forever, and we decided recently we needed to experience more of what our area has to offer.  We thought an easy hike would be just the ticket!  We woke up early, ate a good breakfast, packed a lunch and headed out.  We had NO idea where we wanted to go so we just drove up Cedar Mountain.  We ended up at Blow Hard Trail Head (seriously... who named this place).  Jaxton and Paisley LOVED it!  It was a lot of fun!  Well, it was fun until Kyle's work started calling with an emergency.  Luckily for Kyle, it also started to lightly rain, so we headed home.  The kids were sad we had to cut it so short, so we did a different hike the following weekend.  They love "walking on the mountain".  We really do live somewhere that is surrounded by beauty.  We plan on seeing a lot more of it while we are here!

Happy Birthday America!

I'm really just doing a bit of catch up... I have been lazy about blogging and scrapbooking... Really, I have just been lazy!  We had a lot of fun on the 4th of July.  As much as I don't love living in a small town, they do go all out for holidays.  We started the day with the parade down Main Street.  We walked over and bought the kids some poppers to throw while we waited... the kids LOVED that!  We barbequed for dinner and then we drove over by the airport and watched fireworks.  We didn't buy any this year... everytime we do fireworks ourselves, someone (Jaxton) burns himself.  So we decided to just skip that altogether.  The fireworks were amazing!  I always get a little emotional on the 4th of July.  I really am proud to be an American.  The kids were adorable during the fireworks... Paisley would say "These are so beautiful" and Jaxton would say "Mom, the fireworks are so magical".  Kids really do make holidays better!  And of course, in typical Shannon fashion, everyone dressed up and of course pictures were involved! 

Just Keep Swimming

I really hate when I get behind and then try to catch up within a week!  It drives me crazy... yet here I am.  We signed Jaxton up for swimming lessons through the Aquatic Center.  He had a great time.  I didn't love the teacher... she was just ok.  He still can't swim, he has never been afraid of water, he has always been fearless... so now he is fearless with the misconception that he CAN swim.  Fantastic!  He is a fun kid.  He loved diving for the little eggs and kicking his legs like a "motorboat" but his favorite was when the kids got to jump in the pool from the side.  All of the kids in his class pretty much stepped off of the side to the teacher... but not Jaxton.  Arms out, legs up... that kid leaped.  It was so funny and I wouldn't expect anything else from him. 

We'll have to put him in more swimming lessons... but our schedules are full at the moment and basically adding more is just punishing myself!

Hot Wedding

Kyle's sister, Krista got married last weekend.  It was a HOT day (only like 98, but seriously, we are used to 80-83 so 98 was burning for us).  Kyle and I hadn't been in the Las Vegas Temple for a few years, so it was wonderful to go back.  The words that were spoken were beautiful and things that Kyle and I loved to hear as well.  It was a long weekend and I slept all day on Monday... but it was fun and we are really happy for them!

Big thanks to my mom for making my skirt.  I couldn't find anything I liked and I am so grateful for her and her willingness to help me (when she feels well). 

The kids are excited for a new uncle and Kyle and I are excited to get to know our new brother.  We are so thankful for the temple and the blessings that come from it!  Families really can be together forever! 

Late Anniversary Post

I was doing some scrapbooking and realized I never did our 5 year anniversary.  Oops!  So I will do it now... better late than never right? 
Kyle and I celebrated 5 years on March 28.  Looking back, it doesn't always feel like we have been married for 5 years.  And this past year has been rough.  We decided to take a small trip but didn't know where we wanted to go.  Kyle mentioned a theme park and I started looking some up.  Knotts Berry Farm was having a special that month and we figured "Hey, why not?"  Kyle had never been there and I hadn't been there since high school so I couldn't remember much of it.  We had so much fun being together.  I didn't love Knotts Berry Farm, it's no Disneyland but it was great.  I love the simple reminders of how much I love Kyle.  This trip was just what we needed.  We needed time away, to be together and to remember how we fell in love. 
Happy 5 years Kyle... I'm so happy I get forever with you!

Soccer Star

I have been meaning to post, but my laptop has some virus that won't let it stay connected to the internet (so retarded) so I can't even download an antivirus... the only fix is to wipe it clean :(  so I had to wait for Kyle to leave his laptop and to finish up these pages.
Jaxton finished another soccer season!  It was a lot of fun!  He was a lot better this year than last year.  (I am one of those parents that thinks my kid is good but I'm also not the parent to think he is the best of the best).  He didn't cry through games, he wasn't as easily distracted, he scored goals, and he really started to get the hang of the game.  That made it so much more fun!  I'm happy he enjoys sports (he didn't get that from me... surprise surprise... I'm NOT athletic at all!!).  His team was pretty good and they all really seemed to enjoy playing together.  My parents came up and watched him play one weekend, which meant so much to me because of my mom's health.  Jaxt says he wants to play next year also but we'll see.  It is almost punishment for me.  Practice and 2 games a week really does take a lot of time and effort and it is rough with Kyle working and in school.  I do however like how tired Jaxt is after games and how well he sleeps those nights...  It was a great season and we are always so proud of Jaxton!  We sure do love our little soccer star!

Easter

Holidays are getting more and more fun as the kids get older.  Jaxton and Paisley were so excited for the Easter Bunny to come.  We woke up and went to church and as we were changing our clothes, the Easter bunny came and hid the eggs in the backyard.  The kids LOVED it!  (We spent the next 3 days hiding eggs for each other)  It was a lot of fun!

Lumps and bumps

Last month, Jaxton woke up complaining that his neck hurt.  I figured he had just slept wrong (you know, body on the bed, head off to the size) so I gave him a heat pad and went on with our day.  We went to story time at the library and Jaxt was being especially whiny, so I had him sit on my lap.  He was still complaining that his neck was bothering him and when I looked... there was a huge bump on the side.  I wasn't sure what to do and Kyle was in class.  I thought maybe he just bumped it so we went on with our day.  During dinner he started crying, so we ran to Instacare.  The Dr did a quick exam and told us it just felt like a swollen lymph node and that if it didn't change in 2 weeks we needed to take him to his pediatrician.  2 weeks passed and there was no change so we took him in.  She came in and did an exam and wanted to run some blood tests, one included was a leukemia test (that was too much for me... especially after my mom's diagnoses this year).  Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary so she referred us to an ENT.  We saw Dr. Pearson just a few days later.  He came in, talked to us for a few minutes and felt around Jaxton's neck.  He didn't say much and then said "I think this needs to come out".  He went back to feeling the lump and telling us some of the things that it COULD be.  He wanted to have an ultrasound done to see if it was a cyst and then set up surgery for 2 weeks later.
The next night, Jaxt was up all night screaming!  It was awful.  We took him into the ER the next morning and Jaxt had an ear infection.  They put him on antibiotics for 10 days and sent us home.
We went in for the ultrasound the next Monday.  Kyle had class so I went with Jaxton alone.  The ultrasound tech didn't say much and Dr. Pearson called us a few hours later and said that he didn't see any cysts and wanted to proceed with surgery.
We went into to the hospital at 8:15 am on April 24th.  A huge thanks to Krissy Harrison for taking Paisley!  It was just one less thing I had to worry about.  We went right back and the nurses started getting us prepped.  Dr. Pearson came in and felt his neck again.  Our hope was that because Jaxt was on antibiotics, the lump would have gone down and we wouldn't have to proceed.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  They came in and got Jaxt at 9:30 and he was back in the room by 10:30.  They said he did awesome, and they sent the "lump" to the lab for a full biopsy.  We were released by 11:30 since Jaxt was awake and alert and drank his juice and ate his Popsicle.  He was back to running around, jumping and being his normal fun self within a few hours.
  Waiting for the results sucks!  I try to not think about it... but it creeps up on me occasionally.  Hopefully we will hear something today or tomorrow.   We have had a few issues managing pain the past 2 days, but other than that it seems to be doing well.  I can't wait to have this behind us.

I love this little dude so hard core!  I hope and pray that it is nothing and this will be the end of it!  We have felt the love and prayers that have been said on our behalf.  No matter what the outcome, we have been truly blessed and we can get through anything together (although I'm hoping that we don't have to!)

Mama loves holidays!

I read an article on Facebook the other day.  It was posted by someone I know through someone else (does that even make sense??)  but I love to read what she posts about her kids or her... she is so witty and funny... and I secretly love her (not in a creepy way ya'll).  She posted it on St. Patrick's Day and I really enjoyed the concept.  The article talked about how holidays have become bigger than ever, and the expectations from our children is greater and greater. I don't go all out for our kids.  I plan a few fun activities for us (when I can) and I do my best to make holidays here special and memorable, without going overboard or breaking the bank.

Let me clarify something here.  Usually I am a fan of making the kids wear red or pink on Valentine's Day, but it was also the first day of Spring Training so I was ok with Kyle putting Jaxton in a Yankee's shirt.

I laid out everyone's outfit in the morning, including Kyle's... he is such a good sport!  

We didn't set a Leprechaun trap or eat Lucky Charms (we actually finished the box the day before and I forgot to buy more... so that was that).  

4 year old fun!

                                                       Birthday Interview
Favorite color: blue
Favorite TV show: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Favorite Movie: Lego Movie
Best friend: Paisley
Favorite thing to do outside: jump on the trampoline
Favorite toy: legos
Favorite Superhero: The Hulk
Favorite thing to do with dad: Play with toys
Favorite thing to do with mom: play with toys
Favorite food: pizza
Favorite sport: Basketball


Jaxton's birthday was on Presidents Day this year... February 17.  That was fun because Kyle had the day off from school... so we got the whole day with him.  The whole day was about Jaxton's favorite things!  We started with cinnamon rolls for breakfast... he always asks for cinnamon rolls but we don't have them too often.  Then it was presents from mom and dad.  Jaxton has been asking for legos for awhile, but I had mixed feelings about buying them.  I grew up with brother's who had legos so the hundreds of little pieces everywhere doesn't bother me but what does bother me is Jaxt likes to carry his toys around... everywhere... and they always end up lost.  And legos are expensive and small... and I knew they would be lost (and they already are!).  We got him a couple of other things that he loved!  After that, we went and got Subway and had a picnic at the park.  After we ate, I made Kyle take me home so I could get a coat... so after that we went back to the park.  We stayed there for a couple of hours and then went bowling.  Jaxton was in heaven!  He thought it was the best thing ever.  It was fun watching him and Paisley bowl... we will definitely have to do it again... soon!  We came home and got cleaned up and then Jaxton got to pick dinner... McDonald's.  Since it was his birthday we let him play in the playplace.  That place is so disgusting!!  It's a once (maybe twice if Paisley picks it) a year thing!  Then we came home and had cake and ice cream.  Jaxton begged and begged us to buy him a basketball cake... which is weird because he really hasn't been into basketball... I figured he would want minions, superheroes, ninja turtles, toy story, legos or anything like that... but not basketball.  But whatever... he was happy and that was all that mattered.  It was a great day with our family!

We love you Jaxton.  You have such a sweet heart and a kind spirit.  He is the most loving person I know.  I am lucky to be his mom!  

Hit Home Hard

2 weeks ago, January 3, I got a text from my sister saying that my mom had been admitted into the hospital.  It was only to run some tests and there was nothing to worry about.  She had gone into the ER because she had an issue that she went to see her dr about and her dr referred her to a specialist.  The specialist couldn't see her for 3 weeks and she needed answers sooner, so she went to the Emergency Room knowing that someone would see her much sooner.  She hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks so we figured they would run some tests, give her some strong antibiotics, and all would be well.  BOY WERE WE WRONG!
Mom called me the next day from the hospital.  She said "Hey Shan, what are you guys up to?" I responded with whatever we were doing and the next words and how she said them stay with me "Well, I wanted to call and tell you I have stage 4 liver cancer and there are also spots on my colon.  They can't do anything to help my colon... the drs have given me 3-5 years"  as she was saying it she started crying.  I don't know if it was the information just given to me, the unexpectedness of her crying or both but I cried along with her.  She told me there was nothing I could do and I didn't need to rush down there, I could if I wanted to but that she would be in the hospital for a few more days and she would let me know if there was any news or new developments.  I hung up with her and cried into Kyle's shoulder.  He held me close and I just wept. 
There is some info that my mom doesn't want shared, so out of respect for her I will skip around a bit.  Sunday came and I called my mom late that night to see how her day was (she was still in the hospital).  One of her brothers came that day and gave her and my dad Priesthood blessings.  She remembered bits and pieces and told me about them.  The next day would be surgery for her.  My dad felt very calm about what needed to be done, which I felt was a direct result of the priesthood blessing.  She wasn't scheduled for surgery until 3 pm, but I got a text at 11 saying they were taking her back.  We didn't hear much else for a few hours and then heard that mom was back in her room resting.  What a relief!  But, surgery was just the first step.  She now has to wait a month to heal, and then they will start chemo.  The word "chemo" sends chills down my spine.  I cry whenever I hear it.  My mom called me while she was in the hospital and asked me if I would be willing to come down twice a month, when she starts chemo, to help her.  Whether it is at home, help her run errands, make her food if she cant, etc.  We don't know how her body will respond and I am so thankful she would ask me.  Kyle and I went down the Friday after she got out of the hospital.  She was up and walking around, laughing and joking.  But really, the worst is still to come.  Nothing has happened yet in the grand scheme of things.
So now we wait.  My mom has good days and bad days with her emotions... I do too.  I have learned a lot from this trial.  The best being that no matter what, family comes through.  No matter what the situation, or the past... they come.  I love that lesson!  I have also learned that there are people who genuinely care.  I know there are daily prayers being said for my mom... I know she is loved and people are hoping she fights this and comes out victorious.  I also know that there are prayers being said for me and my husband and children.  We feel them.  We feel love and support.  Thanks to everyone who has!  But I have also learned that there are people who care for gossiping purposes.  People who say "Oh I'm so sorry" but then turn and use it as a conversation piece for something to do.  It makes me sick.  There will always be people who just need something to talk about. 
In all honesty, I'm scared.  I'm scared for my mom.  I'm scared for the pain and toll that this will all take on her.  I'm scared that the strong, brave and fearless woman that raised me will ever feel alone or scared herself.  I'm scared for my dad.  I have grown up knowing how much he loved her, how he will do anything for her, and how in his eyes she was perfect.  I'm scared to see him go through this as well.  I'm scared for my children.  I want them to grow up knowing her and loving her.  I'm scared that they might be robbed the experiences with her.  And selfishly, I'm scared for myself.  I'm scared of losing my mom, one of my very best friends.  I'm scared of having more kids and having no one to help me.  I'm scared of being separated from her at such a young age.  I'm scared of not being able to call her for advice about Kyle, my children, my work, school, church or just life.  I'm scared of having to use store bought Halloween costumes for my kids (stupid I know) or store bought baby blankets.  I'm scared of not having her come to visit and see Jaxton and Paisley light up when she gets here saying "Grammy, you came from far away to my house... I love you".
Because of the gospel, I know she will never be far from me and no matter what I will be with her again.  I know those things and I love that, but I'm not ready to lose her in this life.  I continually pray for her and for her doctors.  That they will know how to best treat her and that she will fight this.  She will be strong and know that there are so many people behind her who love her and want to see her pull through.  We love and support her and want her to know she matters to us.   

Happy Happy New Year!

Yep, skipped right over Christmas.  I was sick the Sunday before Thanksgiving, the whole next week, and until Tuesday of the next week.  I'm not in any Christmas pictures, we only took a few.  I will get around to scrapbooking them... eventually. 

New Years Eve was fun at our house... as long as we lasted!  Our usual family tradition is to do homemade Chinese food on Christmas but I was so sick and it really is a 2 man job and I didn't want to drop it all on Kyle, so we did it on New Years Eve.  We stayed up as late as we could... Jaxt made it till about 10:45 and Kyle, Pais, and I only made it to 11:30 (we suck, we know!)  We drank apple cider and ate snacks (we really know how to party here).  The kids were great and Jaxton loved saying "Mom, it's New Years Eve so we stay up late"... another year down.

My New Years Resolutions:
   Only drink soda on weekends (there was a time not to long ago that I didn't drink soda, period!  But I have gotten really bad in the last few months and I was hoping to get back off of it eventually)
   Eat out less often.  (we don't eat out too much, but I really am trying to get back into shape, and help Kyle get more into shape and I feel like eating out less is a great start)

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope 2014 brings you happiness, adventure and love!

Avance's go Disney!!

Being sick for over a week has really put me behind!  I am in serious need of some catch up... so here is the first of it!

We decided at the beginning of 2013 that we were going to take the kids to Disneyland that year... we needed some time to save up, we didn't want to go during summer, and Kyle had fall semester... so the middle of December was basically the only option we had.  But it was perfect.  The weather was great, and it was decorated for Christmas... AWESOME!  Kyle and I had gone during Christmas when we were dating and I just loved it... so it was fun experiencing that with our children as well.  We went for 3 days, Tuesday-Thursday... it was a blast but by the end of Thursday, we were done!  The kids were exhausted and so were Kyle and myself!  But the kids did great.  Jaxton loved everything about it.  He loved the rides, meeting the characters, the atmosphere and trying new things.  Paisley.. not so much.  She wanted nothing to do with the characters and it took her a few rides to get her to warm up to it, but once she did... unstoppable!  I am so happy we took the time to take our young children.  It was an adventure that we will never forget.  Jay and Hayley even came with us on Wednesday and Thursday and they were so much fun to hang out with!  We love family!!

Can't wait to go back again sometime!  We loved every minute of it!  What a fun and much needed vacation!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my least favorite holidays... It always lands right around my birthday and I'm really not a big eater, I don't really enjoy the whole celebration aspect of it.  However, I love having a day to remember the things that I am thankful for. 
Kyle got down to Vegas sooner than we had expected so we went with my parents to my Aunt Alice's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was so fun to spend time with her and my Uncle Rick, their children and my grandparents.  My grandma just turned 80, and she really doesn't remember much... so I enjoy the little moments we have left with her! 
On Friday, we had dinner with the Avance family.  It was hectic before dinner and Paisley didn't get a nap, so she was a grump after but we were happy they were willing to wait until Friday to celebrate so we could celebrate with them. 
A lot has happened this past year that has had me really pondering the most important things in life.  Most important to me is my family... Kyle, Jaxton and Paisley are the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me.  I feel at times, I am terrible at making sure they all know how much I love and appreciate them but I will spend my whole life trying to show them.  I am also thankful for our extended families... which I am also not really good at showing. 
It was fun spending Thanksgiving in Las Vegas (too warm for comfort in my opinion).  We enjoyed doing a little black Friday shopping and spending time as a family.  We are lucky and constantly counting our many blessings!

Oh those Minions!

This post is overdue... the day after Halloween I had an embarrassing incident with my cell phone and had to take it in and get a new one.  Then the next day, my laptop and my kindle both crashed.  My kindle was no biggie, Amazon is great about getting you a new one if it still has a warranty, but my laptop is a different story.  All of my pictures, all of my scrapbook pages, all of our memories... gone!!!!  I took it to 2 different places and both of them told me I was out of luck!  Then I found an independent guy who figured it out, cleaned up my hard drive and all is well (although his charges did break the bank... totally worth it!!!)

For the past 8-10 months, Jaxton only wanted to be Fix-it Felix (from Wreck it Ralph) and I wanted Paisley to be a bumblebee.  I had the cutest costume idea for her!  Then summer came, Despicable Me 2 came out and Jaxton became obsessed!!  He had to be a minion!!  I figured, "fine, but I can still make Paisley the cute bumblebee I had planned"... the Jaxton declared that Paisley also had to be a minion, and then there was no stopping them.  It was over.  I had lost the battle... admitted defeat and was ready to move on.  I knew I wanted to make their costumes, since the ones in the store basically looked like pillow cases with a face (not my idea of cute, but to each his own).  I looked around for yellow hoodies... no luck.  But my mom had a pattern for one.  So I went to the consignment store and found the kids overalls (no way I'm paying full price for something I was sewing stuff onto and cutting up... especially for one night... and may I add that I hate overalls on anyone over a year old)  I bought Jaxton size 3T and Paisley size 18 month.  And of course... Jaxton's were too short!  UUGGHHH!!!  I knew my mom was helping me make the costumes anyways so I decided to leave it be and she could help me fix the problem.  So I spent a weekend at her house and we WORKED!  My mom is happy to "help" but because it is for my children, I do all the work and she sews... so I cut, and measured, adjusted, traced, glued, etc.  And she sewed.  I made added a tutu and pigtails to Paisley's to make it clear she was a girl (since none of the Minions are).  We ended up adding extra length to Jaxton's straps and taking out the bottom hem.  They just barely cut it!  I found cheap glasses at the dollar store, painted them silver and attached elastic.  The hair is made out of pipe cleaners that are hot glued on. Anyone who thinks making Halloween costumes is cheaper... maybe it depends on the costume.  In this case, not so much!
 On Halloween I had the kids do a trial run before heading to our wards Trunk-or-Treat and Paisley wouldn't put on the tutu.  She fought it and to be honest, I fought back.  I put it on and let her cry.  It didn't last long and then when it was time to go, she was fine to wear it. After trying Jaxton's on again, honestly... I hated it.  I was so thankful that Halloween is just one night and I would never have to see it on him again.  Kyle thought it was awesome, but I knew all of the mistakes and could see them even without looking for them.  People came up to me the whole time we were there telling me how their costumes were the cutest and Jaxton actually won an award for the best boy costume ages 0-5 at the Trunk-or-Treat.  So I guess I was wrong... and I'm glad I was.  I'm glad they got to be what they wanted to be.  They had a blast trick-or-treating with the Larsen's.  Brooklyn and Vanessa were so great to my kids and I love that about them.  The kids got crazy amounts of candy (which I am still shamefully eating) and it was a great night for our family!

 I already know what I want the kids to be next year... hopefully I can talk them into it!

Proud

I was making the finishing touches on Paisley's Halloween costume and I had a sewing question for my mom (probably the best seamstress I know!)  I called and talked to her for awhile and then she said "Hey, your dad wants to talk to you real quick"  (that is totally out of character for my dad!)  He got on and asked me how my kids were doing, I asked him about work and then he proceeded to tell me how proud of me and Kyle he is.  He told me how he knew Kyle and I have struggled in the past and there was a time that he was genuinely concerned but now, he knows that we are going to make it... not only in our relationship but in our finances and our lives.  He is proud of the mother that I have become and how my children are turning out.  He is proud of who I married, the hard worker and loving husband that he is.  I started to get emotional and he could tell so he told me he loved me and we ended the call... which is when I proceeded to cry. 
I have been silently suffering the past few weeks.  I have had a few things in my life that have gotten me down and I had become tired and worn down.  Life hasn't always been what I expected it to be and having nothing come of some of those expectations left me feeling broken and sad.  Just hearing my dad tell me that I was someone that he was proud of meant the world to me.  He isn't one to make things up, or to say things just to be heard or for attention.  It came from his heart and it made me realize how lucky I really am. 

Otoplasty

I had a couple of people ask me questions about my procedure, and I always planned on blogging about it, I just haven't felt up to it until now (almost a month later).  I first looked into this procedure when I was 18.  I have hated my ears for as long as I can remember.  I have always had mixed feelings about cosmetic surgery though.  I always felt that altering the way that I looked was admitting that I'm not good enough.  This past summer, I was in Vegas for most of the time and all I wanted to do was to wear my hair up and feel comfortable, secure, and good about myself.  Once I was home, I spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I hated the way I thought I looked, I was insecure, and in my head "ugly".  One night, Kyle was doing homework and I was looking up the procedure and Drs in the area that did it and I broke down.  I was hysterical and down on myself.  Kyle held me, lovingly reminded me how beautiful and perfect he thinks I am, but also understands that this has always been something that I have wanted and if it made me feel better, he supported it and would make it work.  The next day, I made phone calls to a bunch of drs, including my own general dr about a plastic surgeon he would recommend.  It was unanimous that Dr. Lawrence Chase was the best in St. George so I called and made an appointment.  He actually had a cancellation for the next day, so I made the appt and drove down.  He came in and talked to me, he took some measurements, answered all of my questions and I then scheduled my procedure. 
Less than 2 weeks later, Kyle was taking me down to have it done.  I chose to have it done in his office for 2 reasons.  The first was cost.  Having the procedure done in his office cut the price down almost in half.  Dr. Chase could use a local anesthetic and then I wouldn't have to pay for an anesthesiologist.  And I wouldn't have to pay an extra surgery center fee.  The second reason was my previous reactions to anesthesia.  I don't always come out of it very well and I end up having a rough time recovering.  So an in-office procedure just seemed to be my best option.  Kyle wasn't allowed to go back with me, so he waited until I was called back and then he went to the movies.  When I got back in the room, they gave me a pill to help calm my nerves, gave me a lortab to help with the pain after the shots wore off and also an antibiotic to make sure I didn't develop an infection.  Dr. Chase came in about 20 minutes later and asked how I felt.  I was still extremely anxious and shaking so they game me another pill to calm my nerves.  Within 15 minutes I was calm, cool, and actually quite a bit loopy so they started with the shots.  Although Dr. Chase kept commenting on how small the needle actually was, it hurt... it hurt a lot!  I have no fear of needles, but did not enjoy that.  He numbed from about an inch above my ear all the way down my neck... inside my ear, behind it, in front of it... anywhere that might feel pain.  Luckily after the first 5 or so shots on each side, I didn't feel much.  I couldn't see anything, but Dr. Chase kept me very informed on what was going on.  He cut behind my ear... I couldn't see or feel anything but because they were working so close to my ears, I heard all of it.  The best way I could describe it was it sounded like he was cutting through rubber.  It wasn't an easy sounding cut, like when you cut a piece of paper.  It was rough and little cuts at a time.  The shots that he gave me to numb everything up also had something in it that caused me to not bleed very much (please forgive my lack of medical terminology... it really is no interest to me).  He took measurements to see where we wanted my ears to lay (which had all been previously discussed) then he started to stitch me up.  There are permanent stitches inside of my head, along with dissolvable stitches. Then on the outside there were regular stitches that he would take out in a week or so.  He basically pulled the skin and cartilage back, cut off what couldn't be used, and stitched me up.  Then he did the other side.  It took a little over 2 hours from start to finish.  They put a full head dressing on me, which itched like crazy!  It made my head sweat and frankly, it was disgusting.  When I was done, Kyle came and got me.  I slept the whole way home.  Kyle got me upstairs, in bed and I passed back out.  I woke up a few hours later, screaming and crying in pain.  I don't even remember labor being that bad.  Kyle brought me some dinner (Ramen... classy I know) and my pain meds.  It took me a couple of hours to get back to sleep.  The next day I had my first post-op.  Dr. Chase said everything looked great... but it would be a long recovery.  I had my next post op a few days later, not long enough for my skin to have healed well enough to take out my stitches which is what I was really hoping for.  He spent a lot of time chewing me out for popping a couple of stitches and not taking the healing time seriously.  That was probably the lowest I have felt in a long time!  He did take the permanent head dressing off and let me wear just a normal headband 24/7.  My instructions were to NOT shower alone (Kyle had NO problem with that one) and to basically lay on the couch and do nothing for the next week.  The next week he took my stitches out and my instructions were to only wear the headband when I left the house or was playing with my kids (2 pounds of pressure will pop my stitches and the whole surgery would be a waste)  The headband caused so much friction that my ears are scabbed over and aching.  My new instructions are to only wear the headband at night when I sleep... for the next 5 months!!!  I am still in a lot of pain when I try to sleep.  I am not getting much sleep since I can not get into the habit of sleeping on my back and any pressure on my ears cause sharp pains and my ears to throb.  Other than that, I couldn't be happier.  I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  Kyle loved me before, he way happy with the way I looked before but ultimately I did this for me.  I am one lucky girl to have such an awesome husband.  It's a long road of recovery ahead but I think it will all be worth it!!