Workin' Girl

There won't be any pictures in this post... I have been so crazy busy, when I look back years from now I want to remember why. I started working a full time job. Now before you make your quick judgements. let me go into some of the reasoning behind this decision. I don't feel obligated to explain myself, but I know how easy it is to judge mom's who voluntarily work, especially when 1) you're LDS and 2) you think you know the situation, but maybe you don't. This past year I was diagnosed with a condition called disthymia. For those who don't know what that is (me included until they said I had it) I will explain. It was explained to me like this: Most people function on a day to day basis with a "mood" level of about 7. They are generally pretty happy, even without any extra excitement or enthusiasm, that is their norm. I function at about a 4. (Remember, this is just a general explanation, not an exact science). I have been staying home with Jax and loving as much of it as I could. I didn't notice the signs at first that something was wrong, but Kyle did. He would call me and I would be in these awful, weird, unexplainable funks... that I literally couldn't get out of. So we sought help. I took these personality tests (like 850 questions) with a psychologist and he called us in a few weeks later to go over things with us. He explained my results of the test, and diagnosed me with disthymia. He also said I have depressive tendencies and likely I was slipping into depression, but because this isn't my first round of this, I subconsciously knew what was going on and would work to get out of it. There were a lot of other things in his report. My first appointment with him was almost 4 hours long... he got a lot of information! So Kyle and I took this information home and discussed our options. I have a lot of issues with anxiety as well so medication was what the psychologist recommended. I was on an antidepression medication in high school that made me sleep all of the time. I felt numb to the world and I didn't want to live that way again. Kyle and I decided we would use medication as a final result. So I began to look for other alternatives. I needed to do something to help myself, so I could be a good mom and a good wife. I started applying for other part time jobs, nothing too serious but something to get me away from grave shifts (which were also not good for my condition!) I was invited to interview for a full time job at a company called Praxair. It's a medical supply company. They do mainly oxygen, CPAP's, and nebulizers... but a few other things as well. I wasn't really expecting anything but they called me in for a second interview with the head guy over the entire western U.S. He talked with me for over an hour and offered me a job on the spot. So I have been working full time for almost a month. Kyle says he definitely notices a difference in me, and I notice a difference in myself as well. I miss Jax like CRAZY but Kyle brings him by often, I see him on my lunch and I am never too tired to play. So if you still want to judge, go right ahead. I sincerely hope no one else goes through the pain I have been through recently while we struggled to find out what was wrong with me. I wouldn't wish my previous internal misery on anyone. I love my family and I love myself enough to know what is best for me will result in the best for my family! I hope one day I can be at home with my children, but until then... I am comfortable and happy with the decision I have made and the support I recieved from my family for it.

Graduation!!! 6 months late...

As most people know, I finally graduated from SUU with a bachelors in Criminal Justice in May 2010. This was a huge accomplishment for me. I moved to Cedar City in the middle of my Junior year to get away from negative influences that I was letting control my life, only to find that SUU wouldn't accept a good deal of my credits.
I met Kyle during my second semester here and we got married in the middle of my third. 6 weeks into my final semester, Jaxton was born. My grades definitely dropped as well as my attendance, but I finished. We had a lot of great help and support from our families and our ward.
We bought Jaxton an SUU shirt to use for graduation pictures in May, but because he was struggling to grow, he just barely fit into it, so we went ahead and did them this past weekend. It was FREEZING and Jaxton fell asleep in between locations, so we only got a few. I love them though! Our friend Tristan is great!
I LOVE MY LITTLE FAMILY!!!

And he's off!

I don't have pictures to document this, but I wanted to write it down so I will always remember (and so will Kyle and Jax). We were going to have some family pictures done on Saturday, November 7, but circumstances changed and we were unable to do so. Kyle got called into work last minute and then when he got home Jax fell asleep, and it was just too much that day. Our friends, Tristan and Camille asked if Jax could go play at their house and because it was such a stressful day, I thought "Well yes... I could use a little break!" So I packed up some stuff for him and took him over to Tristan's. Jax is a mover (as I posted in a previous blog). He is constantly on the go, whether he is crawling all over the place or "cruising" (when he is holding on to something and walking). He also stands all on his own as well. I always "yell" at him to sit down, "Mommy's not ready for a big boy", he giggles and usually falls over. He is not interested in watching tv or sitting still for anything. He now knows that he can get to things on his own and he takes advantage of that fact. So we were at Tristan's and Camille gets this bright idea that she thinks he should start walking! So she holds him up, he gets steady on his feet and after a few tries, takes two steps towards me before plummeting to the ground. Bittersweet I tell you... Bittersweet moment. I want my boy to grow up, I want him to learn about "his world" and I don't want to hold him back, but he is a big boy now. I need to accept it and move on, but I am ok with wishing that my little boy would stay little awhile longer. I guess since he was so tiny (weight wise) for so long he was trying to make up for it by hitting other milestones early. Although, he still lacks in the tooth department, coming in with a whoping ZERO... so until then he is STILL my little boy!

Baby's 1st Halloween

I shamefully admit that I have been the BIGGEST slacker this year! I am not making excuses for my lack of activity, but working graves is not normal, and it seriously throws you completely out of whack! Kyle and I had planned on doing a whole family theme for Halloween and going to the ward party all dressed up and cute... and of course, I forgot to ask for the day off. So then I planned on getting Jaxton a really cute new costume and it literally felt like I woke up the next day (actually more than a week later) and it was already Halloween! So I had Kyle dress Jax up in a costume we got from Kyle's sister and I will do my best to be better next year!






I welcome the day I am no longer working graves, or such a random schedule. He was still so cute though right?

Failure to Thrive

Last Monday, the 20th, we took Jaxton in to see his Dr. At his 6 month visit back in August, the Dr prescribed him a special multivitamin to help him gain some weight... he was 6 months and weighed less than 15 lbs, and has yet to double his birth weight. While on this vitamin, he only gained 8 oz, and he went from the 8th percentile for his age to the 3rd (roughly this means that out of 100 children, there would only be 2 smaller than Jaxton with regards to his weight). This is a reason for concern, considering that when he was born, he was in the 38th percentile and has rapidly been dropping since about 4 months. Dr. Allen is extremely patient with us and came in and sat us down and calmly told us that this has nothing to do with anything we are doing as parents, we are feeding him and taking care of him, but something must be going on to prevent him from absorbing all of the calories and nutrients in the breast milk and solids that he is eating. In every other way he is right on track, if not slightly ahead. He is crawling and pulling himself up to things. He is walking with the support of something solid to hold on to. He plays and laughs and lately he is mimicking when we shake our head "no" or nod "yes". Dr Allen directed us to start adding formula to his rice cereal three times a day (and if you know me, I am not pro formula) and feed him smaller meals every 2-3 hours (which should prevent him from spitting anything up, to retain all that he can). He sent us directly over to the hospital to have blood work done and to have an ultrasound done of his stomach to see if his stomach was preventing food from passing through, which could be a cause of the lack of weight gain. The orders called his diagnosis "Failure to Thrive". They called us the next day and said that both of those tests looked fine and that we needed to collect a stool sample so that it could be tested as well. And of course, being the mom, I got the extremely fun pleasure of collecting that sample. So we spent more time waiting... and waiting. The dr's office called yesterday and let us know that fecal white blood cells were found in the sample and we were being referred to a specialist in St George for more testing. Jaxton is going to a gastroenterologist (they specialize in disorders of the digestive system). I am working a grave so I spent most of the night looking up information on these specific dr's and what he may look at with regards to Jaxton. However, I have had little luck because most of the information I found talked about Jax also being "short statured" which clearly, he is not. I have no knowledge of the medical profession, nor do I pretend to, so most of the information made no sense to me, but we are hoping to hear from the specialist in the next day or two to make an appointment and get this show on the road. This is extremely stressful for me (kyle seems to handle it better than I do) In the information I was reading, it said that surgery is not usually something that is needed, it may be something as simple as changing his diet. It talked a lot about Celiac's Disease, which basically means he can't break down gluten... however, to be honest, I don't know really what food he has had that has it in it. I can't wait to find out what is going on! I am so lucky to have my sweet and wonderful husband who insists on being as involved as possible accompanying me to multiple dr appointments and making sure he can work his schedule out so we can do these things together. I know in my heart that my sweet boy will be just fine, but my head can't seem to wrap around that concept. I feel nervous, anxious and sad. All in all, we have been blessed up until this point, and I am confident that the Lord will continue to bless our family. I have been living by this saying (and Dr. Pepper, Peanut Butter Twix, and fudgesicles the past couple of days)

"When life becomes more than you can stand~ kneel".



We appreciate all of the love and support we are getting. Hopefully this is an easy fix and our little boy can continue to progress on schedule. We will keep everyone posted as we find out more and more information.

Getting so big!

Jaxton is 7 months old! I can not believe that this sweet angel made his grand debut 7 months ago! We had a dr appointment yesterday (I know, they don't usually do 7 month appointments, but at his 6 month well child visit he had dropped from the 16-17% to the 7-8% so our super great dr wanted to see him in a month) and he dropped again. He is now in the 3-4%... which is never something a mom wants to hear! But he is SO much fun! I can't believe all of the fun things he does now!


He eats big boy food... and LOVES it!



He loves to swim!



He now takes an active interest in his own appearance...



...and some hair days are better than others!



went to the St George temple



played at the park with some friends



I sit up all by myself... and I love the camera!



I crawl over to my toys and play all by myself!



more loving the camera!



He can pull him self up on to anything he can reach. We always find him in his room standing in his crib and smiling!

So much has changed in just a few months with him! I love it!

So proud!

Kyle is amazing! Let me just start by saying how much I love and admire him! He makes me want to be better, and for that I will be forever grateful. But this post is NOT about me... it's about the most amazing man I know... my husband Kyle!
Kyle is a licensed EMT-I in the state of Utah, which is not getting us too far to be honest! So we decided that our best option would be for Kyle to take a national test and by doing so we will be able to move anywhere in the country. The National Registry Test is HARD! No one has said anything different about it, just that it is hard and unnecessarily hard!! I am proud to say... KYLE PASSED!!!! It took a few tries (which we expected) and a lot of money (which we also expected) but Kyle passed! I couldn't be more proud of him! He is the best husband and father! Kyle actually wants to try to get a job in Cedar City so he can stay with the current job he has now and work as an EMT, so I can stay home with Jax.
I love this man with all my heart!